Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
