everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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