in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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