Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
