I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
