I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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