i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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