just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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