u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
