I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
