Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
