i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize