i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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