if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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