Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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