We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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