I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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