I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
