I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
