The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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