I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Couch. On fire.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize