hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So squirting runs in the family.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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