Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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