It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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