I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
