he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
