she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
