Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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