he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
