Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
thus making me awesome and them whores
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
