I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
