im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This is my gift to your gina
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
