i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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