Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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