in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
