It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
