It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
MIDGETS
????
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
