The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
