Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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