Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
