what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
