I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
