So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
