i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
