Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
