I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude i'm inner monologue high
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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