i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
