Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
