My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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