thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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