Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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