i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize