u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
