just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize