Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize