At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
this beer tastes like vomit already
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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