He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
