Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
