I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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