I'm eating all of the evidence.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
