There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I wear drunk well.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
