and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize